Homeless

Let me start by saying how much I love my Cary friends and I already miss them greatly.

I keep waiting for my break down.  I thought for sure as I cleaned my empty house with two of my favorite peeps the tears would flow as freely as the wine.  It was fun!  There was a sense of accomplishment and closure without regret.  Today as we drove from our beloved home town the sky cried on my behalf but my eyes were dry and all I could think about was the foamy deliciousness in my Starbucks cup.  About 12:30 our realtor called to inform us that the closing was uneventful and we were no longer home owners.  I tried to squint into the sun because it just seems like I should have moisture on my cheeks. 

Maybe my break is yet to come. Once I get settled and truly relax I'll feel all the sadness I know in my brain.  Or maybe the overwhelming grace of a very kind Father is sustaining me during my transition.  A dear friend included this verse in a recent email. 

"And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life." Matt 19:29

It's a comfort to know grace will be administered in abundance whatever the next days, weeks, months hold for me and those I hold dear .  

Discombobulated

Welcome to the land of limbo. For countless times now I have opened the kitchen cabinet to pull out a box of cereal or coffee cup.  I'm surrounded by towers of boxes filled with all the belongings I keep looking to find in the cupboard.  The moving company had to box us up on Friday since Monday is a holiday but they don't load us until Tuesday.  So here we sit camping at home looking forward to the day we land.

Proud Daughter!

This week we are experiencing a lot of finality.  Last day of junior high for Emma, last day of elementary for Eliot and last day of kindergarten for Daniel.  Sunday will be our last Lord’s day to worship at Peace until we come back to visit.  With so many lasts it’s refreshing to have a first!  For Christmas my mom wrote a story and gave a copy to each of her grand kids.  This past weekend she attended a writer’s conference for the first time and even entered her story into a competition.  For the first time…she WON said writer’s competition!  We aren’t entirely sure exactly what that means but one of the judges wants her to turn it into a novel and help her get an agent.  So exciting!

I’m proud of my mom’s story and I’m so proud she won but mostly I’m proud that my sweet Mama tried something new at the young age of 60.  

Faith in Transition- Part 5

I dreaded telling our church family.  I trusted they would be sustained by their love for us and their passion for Kingdom work but I dreaded the part I had to play.  We accepted the job offer on Wednesday, met with session on Thursday and the phone message went out to the congregation Friday afternoon at 5:00 followed by an email a few hours later.  I sent an email to the Tuesday night bible study ladies about 4:00 so hopefully they’d hear it from me.  Then Andy and I went for a run.  We didn’t talk.  We just ran and prayed.  Our hearts were hurting for our church family.  When faced with transition this is the moment when all you can do is rest in the Lord.  This precise moment when all has been decided, the ball has been pushed down the hill and you have to watch those you love jump out of the way.  I remember being so thankful that God had been visibly evident throughout our journey so we could simply rest.  We put this body of believers we loved and cherished into our Father’s faithful hands and rested. 

On Sunday morning Andy and I stood before the congregation and he read his resignation letter.  At first, I scanned the faces in the pew.  I saw many we had walked through fire with.  Those whose children we had helped bury or whose marriages we stood beside and helped fight for.  My eye would land on any one of the ladies from Bible Study and it made me want to back up.  Start over.  Reconsider.  Tell everyone, “just kidding…haha.”  I put on my big girl pants and just looked at the paper.  Everyone was pretty shocked but supportive, encouraging, happy for us, and sad.

After two grueling weeks of “house beautiful” our house hit the market.  I didn’t pray for our house to sell.  I prayed that God would orchestrate the logistics of our move in such a way that everyone would see what we’d been experiencing since last October.  We were answering a direct call.  God was pulling us elsewhere and we either obeyed His divine will or fear He’d have to give Peace a reason to kick us out (sounds miserable).  Our house sold in 4 days.  That same day, we made an offer on a beautiful GA hillside home.  Daniel still fears we will topple off but hopefully there won’t be too much psychological damage. 

Words can’t describe how we have been loved or the depth of friendships that have been made.  We plan to carry it all with us.  I can’t wait to see how God continues His work in the Jones family and in the Peace family.  Turns out I kinda dig this whole blogging thing so keep in touch!

Sweet Mama C

Seeing as how this is my blog and I make all the decisions I’m going to take a short break in the Faith in Transition story.  My heart is too heavy.

Tonight a dear family friend lost her battle to lung cancer.  Her name was Carolyn but many of us grew up calling her Mama C.  She was the type of person who poured her life into others.  There was no such thing as too many extra mouths to feed or not enough beds.  We ate what was there and slept where we landed.  Since my own home was 8 miles out of town her house made for a great after school landing/transition spot for my sisters and I.  As soon as I walked in her house and sat at the table she’d pull off her rings and let me wear them.  Sometimes it felt like I spent more time at her house on Wood St. than I spent in my own.  Slumber parties were the norm on the weekends.  We would stay up until the wee hours of the morning playing Gin Rummy.  We’d get tickled about something and laugh until tears rolled down our cheeks in pure delirium.   You never had to wonder what she thought about anything.  She’d tell you exactly how she felt and then she’d say, “And if you don’t like it? Well, tough!” 

Much like my real Mama she was a constant in my adolescent world of inconsistencies.  One of the highlights of going home to visit was hauling my family to her house and showing off my kids.  She’d threaten to tell them all my growing up secrets so they could use them against me.  She was proud of me and every time I saw her I felt like a huge success.  I struggle to find words that express all that she meant to those who knew her.  Mama C. will be greatly missed and I am better for having known her.  I can’t wait to see her in glory where she is no longer “old and decrepit”. 

Mama C and Sheriff Leroy

Faith in Transition-Part 4

The only part about Cary, NC that we haven’t enjoyed is the many miles it put us from family.  While this distance has encouraged the deepest friendships we’ve ever known it wasn’t easy.  Over the years we have watched our loved ones drag themselves into our home road weary and worn from hours and hours and hours of travel.  We would pour them into a bed or at least throw water on them to make sure they didn’t slip into some sort of comatose state of relief.  We would experience similar woes as we made countless treks to Mississippi and Alabama hoping no one was murdered along the way. The anticipation was overwhelming.  We couldn’t wait to share our news with our families!  My sisters and I met in FL for my mom’s Birthday.  Andy still had a couple of interviews left and we were in the process of planning a visit to Chattanooga to check things out so nothing was definite but I HAD to tell my mom in person.  She wept.  Big racking sad sobs of joy.  Andy called his dad to gain wisdom and his dad told his mom so I didn’t experience her reaction.  I hear she had a few "Praise Jesus" moments.  In a moment of weakness, during a totally unrelated conversation with my sister in law, I caved.  Could not stand it one more moment.  I had to tell her.  Her excitement was palpable.  I heard her bare feet hitting the hardwood floors as she jumped up and down. I pictured her waving her arms and squeal laughing while I waited for her to put her phone back to her ear.  It was wonderful. 

We were excited.  It shocked me how excited I felt.  Not how excited I knew I needed to feel but how excited I actually was.  We visited the Nooga mid March along with our sweet teenager.  She was so good about finding the positives rather than dwelling on all the friends she’ll be leaving behind.  All Andy’s meetings/interviews went swimmingly.  He dazzled the Brian dude, schmoozed potential investors and we all fell in love with the area.  We just knew it’d all be settled by the time we left town.  But it wasn’t.  More meetings.  Chalmer’s would debrief the Andy Jones Visit on Monday but surely we’d hear something after that meeting.   

***crickets***

We were on edge all of Tuesday when word finally reached us that an offer letter was on the way but the author of said letter had to paint his house on Tuesday since rain was predicted for Wednesday.  Whew. We could blame it on the rain (ba dump bump).  Tuesday night I told Andy that I was going to remember the anticipation and fear of disappointment I’d felt all day.  I knew the difficult days of saying goodbye were on the horizon.  I think God allowed us to suffer through a few days of not knowing so we’d realize how much we wanted to make this transition.  In the moment of tearful goodbyes, surrounded by all we are giving up we could remember the evidence of God's calling deep within our hearts. 

But it’s so hard to say goodbye (I’m on a roll!).

Faith in Transition- Part 3

I loved my job.  I would walk around that office wearing grown up shoes that clicked when I walked, organizing things all the while telling people with big degrees what to do.  It was awesome.  Not sure how they put up with me but I loved it.  Being the administrative assistant to the CFO I learned a ton about finance from a very nice man who wore three-piece suits with cuff links.  He had the patience of Job and we became fast friends.  As I prayed for God’s will to be done and Andy continued through the interview process with Chalmer’s I held onto my job with an ironclad vise grip.  I wondered what Todd (church member, man who hired me, CEO, friend) would find for me to do for MTI from Chattanooga.  I just couldn’t imagine my life without Mustard Tree Instruments, LLC.  I loved this company that allowed me to prove myself.   I know it sounds dramatic but after spending 12 years out of the work place in order to change diapers and wash sippy cups, that’s exactly how I felt.  I CAN think through and solve a problem.  I have the ability to put words together and form an intelligent sounding sentence. As possibilities started to solidify I finally voiced my concern to Andy, “I don’t know how to let go of MTI.”  Exactly one week later my boss called me into his office.  As he said words like sales cycle, economy, revenue, cost of development etc. all I could think was, “We’re moving to Chattanooga.”  I wasn’t upset or hurt.  It was instantly clear to me that the one thing I wasn’t willing to part with God was taking away. 

With the privilege of hindsight I can see I would have had to quit my job the beginning of March in order to sell our house and take care of kids during Andy’s out of town trips.  Due to the lay off I will draw unemployment until mid July.  In the mean time Andy Osterlund is letting me get my feet wet in another industry.  He even calls me his Marketing Director!  Can you believe that?  We aren’t sure exactly how this opportunity will play out but I don’t think it’s a mistake that he is passionate about Urban Revitalization, has a license to practice in TN and the great city of Chattanooga is big on making the old pretty again.  As amazing as all this is I find it stunning how God really does give us the desires of our hearts.  Meaning, he puts desires in our hearts He wishes to fulfill. 

Have you ever not known how much you wanted something until you thought it might not happen?

Faith in Transition - Part 2

As Fall continued into Winter my heart would constrict with every thought of a possible transition.  I know my husband well enough to know he could do anything, anywhere, in any organization and excel.  It was only a matter of time and logistics before this Brian Fikkert dude from The Chalmer’s Center realized he had found a wealth of talent.  Ironically enough the ladies in my bible study were working our way through The Praying Life by Paul Miller.  As a result, I started leaving my iPod at home on my morning run so I could fill that time with prayer.  I was extremely convicted by the hold I was attempting to have on my life and started praying that God would help me to be able to pray for His will...whatever that looked like, wherever it led us.  God answered that prayer and continued his work of making my heart pliable.  He gave me a hunger for His will and started replacing desires I’d had for decades with new ones.  I've wanted to be a pastor's wife since I was 14.  I felt like I was called to be a pastor's wife my Junior year of High School and in college that calling was verified by a young southern boy named Andy. 

I blame our congregation for much of my hesitancy.  They were too easy to love and served us too faithfully for too long!  As God changed my heart’s desire I realized I would be able to say goodbye.  I wouldn’t like it.  It would hurt. But by God’s grace I could continue.  I started to think about having my husband home on Sunday mornings.  I wondered what it would be like to find a joint calling in a church and minister together in a specified capacity.  Wow!  I’m really handling this well…right?  Wrong.  There was one aspect of my life I was NOT willing to let go of…

Faith in Transition- Part 1

Last October I was asked to give a testimony at our Women's Retreat. The topic for the weekend? Transition. The ladies who were planning the weekend thought I might have something to say regarding my recent transition into the workplace. God on the other hand was allowing me to think objectively about His sovereignty in our lives even when change seems impossible to fathom much less overcome. I came home from that weekend at the beach feeling like God spoke through me to encourage the sweet ladies around me. Almost as soon as I walked in the door Andy said, "I found a job on Twitter I'd like to apply for." Barely having reentered the atmosphere of normal, pearls of wisdom I so boldly proclaimed not 24 hours earlier started rolling around in my brain. Life is one big transition, we are never promised comfort or even happiness in this life, we have all we need in Christ and no transition could take Him away, our life is not our own... "Sounds great!", says the adoring wife who hates to feel convicted.


Funny how often obedience starts on our lips and trickles through our hearts. The miraculous transformation in my soul was driven by a group of ladies who tell you like it is and miles of cold sweat. Stay tuned... 

...or at least I hope so.

I have felt a bit left out for years without a blog to call my own. I was afraid I would waste people's time with boring prattle or I'd be posting valuable pearls of wisdom no one cares to read. Recently I have experienced amazing events in my heart that lead to uncertain events in my life. I've had a few opportunities to explain the whole sordid tale but find some in close circles who are greatly affected by these events still haven't heard. So here I am, starting a blog, realizing you are going to spend the next little while on some form of social media which helps greatly in swaying my guilt for wasting your time. Disclaimers: My husband will not be editing my blog posts. I make no bones about being flowery in my descriptions and extremely over the top when exaggerating, which is totally necessary when passionate. When I am in the middle of a Jane Austen novel I begin to speak as if I lived in the 17th century (can't be helped). Finally, any posts with the timestamp correlating an Atlanta Braves game should be completely disregarded. It will not make any sense and could border on heresy. Mostly, I'm headed for a big transition and hope to stay in touch with the wonderful friends who have become family over the last 8 years. Well, now I'm exhausted. My next post will explain our journey the past few months entitled "God is Sovereign and can be trusted amidst uncertainty? Real or not real.". Well, that may be a little long for a title but you get the picture. Now, please comment or I will feel insecure, unloved, under appreciated and extremely vexed!