Nuts and Bolts of 21 Years

Today, I've been married as many years as I have been single. When you first get married you feel so in love you couldn't possibly love the other more than you do right now. Then you struggle and work and live and a couple of decades later you realize it isn't the new exciting love anymore. It's richer, it's deeper, and it settles you. Every marriage is different and riddled with difficulty.  I wouldn't begin to think I had answers or solutions for anyone else's marriage. But here are a few connections I've made that help us remain intact.

It's important to believe in each other and encourage one another to try. When Andy Jones wants to fix something I may not be able to watch but I holler from the adjacent room my unfailing confidence. Sometimes the act of "fixing" involves drilling holes in my kitchen ceiling or days of waiting for parts to come in the mail while the guts of an appliance clutter the floor. He learned things and as the years have passed he's fixed a dryer, a freezer and the A/C without having to call a repair man. For the last few weeks he's been planning various backpacking trips to take over the coming year. As long as he doesn't try and drag me with him, I'm all for it! 

While we are two people who have become one, God has given us very different gifts. Sometimes these gifts take us each down individual avenues.  Andy sits on multiple boards of various non-profits. This takes time and resources and God graciously provides both. I have a baker's dozen worth of twenty-somethings that I love to love. As a result, two or three times a week I'm on the back deck, earbuds in, talking through someone's latest circumstance. I'm texting, writing out intercessory prayers, and walking through life with these friends. These types of activities take time and emotional energy. But living life with these peeps brings me so much joy. 

Last July Andy preached a sermon at Rock Creek Fellowship titled "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". He spoke about love, respect, and gardening. He also referred to me as a 4-H babe, which I totally am and always will be. His parting thought for RCF was that we need to give up on marriage. He said, "We need to give up placing a burden on marriage it was never meant to bear." Neither of us can be the source of joy, blessing or hope for the future. While God often gives me joy, blessing and hope through Andy, he is not the source of these blessings. Trying to find emotional or spiritual fulfillment in anyone save our sweet Savior ends in crushing not just our relationship but also ourselves. 

Out of all the posts that make up this blog, one of my favorites is from our anniversary two years ago called #19yearsandcounting. There, I lay out the fabric of our marriage. Here I give you the nuts and bolts.

We try not to make our co-workers as uncomfortable as we aspire to make our children.